


The Weight of Us

by IsabelleSnape



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom, Thor - All Media Types, Winter Soldier A U
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BDSM, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Burnt Hel, Childhood Trauma, Depression, F/M, Go Ask the Odd Family, Hurt Hel, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Illness, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Hulk, Protective Thor, SHIELD Family, Science Bros, Threesome - F/M/M, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, psuedo incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2014-04-09
Packaged: 2017-12-03 20:42:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/702435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsabelleSnape/pseuds/IsabelleSnape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki and Thor never expected they could be together, but fate had other plans.  Juggling children, friends, and enemies, Loki and Thor have a lot to learn about themselves, each other, and what happily ever after means, because Thor will stand for nothing less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Here is Where We Are

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Go Ask The Odd Family](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/17901) by Sauda. 



Loki Laufeyson nee Odinson lived an accomplished life. It was not a joyful life but a content life. He had four children, only one of whom was human; he had a stable job, and a few close friends. It was more than he had ever anticipated having when he was growing up.

He had three sons; Sleipnir, a horse with eight legs, Fenrir, a wolf who lived in a nature preserve, and Jormungandr, the boa constrictor. His only human child, Hela, was a young woman learning to live with the horrors of her childhood. 

Loki loved all of his children and fussed so that Hel had taken to calling Loki mother. Loki had no qualms about being called mother, even found it quite hilarious when Hel confused new nurses by calling him in the feminine.

Along with caring for his children and working his job, he was waiting for his birth mother, a woman named Laufey, to die. She was a woman who had been dying of a broken heart for thirty years and cancer for the last two. It was for that reason Loki found himself at Jotunheimr General Hospital. 

It was a beautiful Saturday morning and armed with calla lilies and banana mango smoothies he entered the hospital with a small smile on his face. He nodded to the day nurses as he made his way to the children's ward.

"Hi Mom!" Hel said smiling. She was slowly making her way back to bed, the noise of a running toilet indicating what she had been doing. 

Loki put down his gifts and wrapped an arm around her has he helped her back into bed.

"How are you feeling today? Are they treating you well?" Loki smoothed out her sheets and went to fluff her pillow only to have Hel push him away.

"Mom, stop fussing, I'm fine." Hel smiled, her pale, smooth left side a stark contrast to her withered, burnt right side. 

She was beautiful to him, would always be beautiful to him, more so because the scars signified that she had survived. And if it was one thing his children were it was survivors.

"Are you seeing Grandma Laufey today?" Hel motioned for her smoothie and Loki handed it over knowing that without his daily tribute his daughter would become quite the grouch.

"Yes, but you will stay here while I do. I have a surprise for you my dear." Loki gave a smirk as Hel's eyes widened. 

She loved surprises and Loki knew by the narrowing of her eyes that she would hound him until her surprise arrived.

"Tell me, I'm getting out of here!" Hel's exclamation was, of course, made in jest; she would not be able to leave the hospital for another week. 

They had to make sure her newest skin grafts set properly. The only time she was allowed out of bed was when she had to use the bathroom. She had refused to have catheter in for longer than it was absolutely necessary.

"Someone is coming to visit and that is all I'm going to say." Loki smoothed back her hair and kissed her forehead simultaneously checking to make sure she did not have a fever. Hel continued to try and get an answer out of him and Loki managed to stay silent but a familiar pain took up residence in his heart.

In so many ways she was just like his brother. Thor Odinson, like his Hel and her siblings, was one of his weak spots. Thor Odinson was the love of Loki's life. Being without him was a pain that had not lessened as the years went by.

Hel knew who Thor was, knew Loki's history, and love for him. Hel, in a show of solidarity, had turned from calling Thor uncle to calling him stepfather. 

"You’re thinking about him aren't you?" Hel's touch from her right hand had Loki blinking at her before sighing. He never knew how she could tell when he was thinking about Thor. 

Hel gave a small smile before smirking and commanding, "tell me a story!"

Loki gave his daughter a sideways glance knowing this would not end well, "And what type of story would her majesty like?"

Hel gave an evil laugh as she said, "tell me about Thor, Lady Sif, and the Warriors Three!"

Loki groaned, he hated telling stories about his childhood tormentors who were also his brother’s best friends. But Hel would not budge and so Loki opened his mouth to begin when he was saved by the door opening. Hel gasped as her surprise walked in the room.

"Uncle Bruce! Aunt Natasha! Uncle Clint!" Hel through herself at her uncle, happy her godparents had come to visit.

"Clint, Natasha, it's good to see you both." Loki hugged them as Hel tried to coax Bruce to try her smoothie. 

Bruce did as his niece bid, grimacing at the amount of sugar.

Loki nodded to Bruce as Hel practically climbing her uncle. Natasha and Clint watched amused, Bruce was always so gentle with Hel fearful of his other self, a gamma radiation made monster known as the Hulk. 

Hel however had no such worry about the Hulk. Loki understood, Hel had been raised with the same brute strength that the Hulk possessed as well as the mindless terror and destruction the Hulk brought. For Hel, the Hulk was merely a presence that she had spent the first eleven years of her life around; there was no fear of the big guy in her.

Natasha and Clint turned to Loki and nodded as he made his way to the door. They would watch Hel long enough for him to go say a quick hello to Laufey. Loki reached Laufey's room with quick and sure steps. He could not falter when dealing with Laufey. 

She liked decisiveness, and would pick at Loki if she saw any hesitancy in him. Laufey was a cold, no nonsense woman who had fallen in love with one man and stayed in love with him her entire life. She had weathered his anger, his abuse, and his two children from his first wife. 

He had also been the one to convince her to give Loki up because Fárbauti had no use for a whelp with health problems. Loki had never met his half-brothers Helblindi and Býleistr, but Laufey kept a picture of them on her bedside table.

Loki sat and picked up the book sitting on the bed side table. It was new, Jane Eyre, and Loki sighed before he began to read out loud. Jane Eyre was just like them. She too had fallen in love with a man beyond her reach, and for every day they were not together she mourned the lost, ached with wanting, but understood that loving without reservation was the surest path to destruction. So she had done what Loki had done, what Laufey could not do, she’d left. 

It was Loki's favorite book, a fictional character who understood what it meant to love and know that it was not enough.

Loki knew he would read until the last few chapters. Laufey had not had a happy ending, and Loki knew he wouldn't either, how could he when he loved the man who had been raised as his brother. There would be no rest from his love, no way to have it die. He had asked Laufey once if their people could be free of the curse that love was to them.

"No, this is our curse as well as our gift Loki." She had looked out the window as she explained, "We love with hearts that do not change. No matter the storm it must weather, we are neither swayed nor bowed. Not many people can say they love in such a way.”

Laufey gave a dark laugh as she watched a bird fly by, “It is a heavy burden but one only we are strong enough to endure. Tell me, could he endure as you do? Could he be strong enough to live with a heart that asked only for its mate and was denied it?" Loki's silence had been all the answer Laufey needed.

Loki stopped reading two chapters in and watched Laufey sleep. She was old, her dark eyes, fuzzy grey hair, and sunken cheeks made her look older than she was, and the chemo therapy did not help. She was dying slowly but surely of cancer from second hand smoke and a love she could not let go of even at the cost of her youngest son. 

Loki had been furious at Laufey for years after he learned of his adoption. When he had first met her, an old hunched woman staring at a picture, he had wanted to scream. Then he had looked into her eyes and seen it, the same yearning, the same need, and he had calmly asked if the man in the picture was the reason.

Laufey had nodded, not speaking, and Loki had felt all of his anger drain away and pity take its place. He had understood then, had felt bereft, but more at peace at having an explanation.

It was why Loki could never go home. He would never place Hela in a position where she might not be picked over Thor. Loki didn't know if he was that stronger and he never wanted to find out if he wasn't.


	2. This Is Where I Leave You

Monday saw Loki back at work. He was sipping his coffee when he felt it. His heart gave a lurch, it was a familiar pain. Loki looked up and then around trying to pinpoint where the feeling was coming from. When he could not find it he began to walk quickly to his car. Loki knew this feeling, knew this fear. It was Thor, and he was near.

 

Loki had always hated his Thordar, but today he was thankful for it. It didn't matter how or why he had it only that he did and he could flee before he came face to face with his past. He needed to get away, as far away as possible.

 

Loki breathed a breath of relief when he came to the front of the S.H.I.E.L.D. building. Loki knew he was getting odd stares, he never left work early but he had to go.

 

“Loki Laufeyson hold it right there,” A deep commanding voice stopped Loki in his tracks as his heart gave another lurch.

 

Loki could not stop his hands shaking as he debated following the Director’s order. Loki didn't want to turn around; he knew exactly who would be next to him. However if he ignored a direct order from Nick, Fury would have his ass. 

 

Loki took a deep breath and turned around. He barely managed to chock back the sob that rose with the visual of Thor Odinson in the flesh. His boss was standing next to every dream Loki had ever had about love and life.

 

Thor looked as he always had to Loki; beautiful, alive, and radiating a light that others wanted to follow. Thor, Loki noted, was also surrounded by his childhood friends, Sif, Hogun, Frandal, and Volggstaf.

 

Loki wanted to fall to his knees and weep. Wanted to scream at the injustice of what was happening. Really wanted to walk right up to Thor and kiss him liked he’d been dreaming of all his life. But Loki did none of those things. Life was a bitch and Loki was her punching bag.

 

Loki managed a nod to his Director as he walked up to the group. “Director, and who do we have here?”

 

Thor’s eyes went wide and then narrowed as he said, “Brother you know who I am, what is this madness?”

 

Fury’s eyes narrowed as well. It was a well-known fact that Loki claimed to be a foster care child who had found his mother on her death bed. Loki didn't care for the truth in this regard and had never acknowledged the truth to anyone who wasn't family. 

 

“I am terribly sorry Director but I have a family emergency.” Loki said ignoring Thor. Right now he was hanging by a thread. His heart beat and hurt in a rhythm Loki had been so sure he would never feel again.

 

Loki nodded once more and then proceeded to walk as fast as he could out the door not stopping until he was at his car. The tears came as he drove away from security and onto the highway. There was only one place Loki could go to regain his equilibrium and he drove recklessly as he raced towards the hospital.

 

Hela’s room was quiet and dark, his daughter exhausted from the previous days’ physical therapy. She was sleeping on her good side, her face grimacing every so often. Loki collapsed into his chair with a groan and pushed back more tears.

 

Thor was at S.H.I.E.L.D. Thor knew where Loki worked; Thor would soon know where Loki lived. Thor was there and he would not leave Loki alone until every question he ever had about Loki’s disappearance was answered to his satisfaction.

 

Loki glanced over at his daughter again, she was so pale, and sometimes she looked just like him. Loki stood at 5”8 with jet black hair that went down to his shoulders, emerald green eyes, and a lithe frame that had made his childhood very hard.

 

Thor had always been the sun to Loki’s moon. Golden and bright filled with a joy that Loki had barely ever had in his own life. Thor now knew where it was Loki had been hiding. Loki wasn't sure what to do; he liked his job, was part of a counter terrorist group think tank that specialized in infiltration into enemy organizations. Before Hela, he had been an operative, always out in the field.

 

Loki could not work where Thor was, he simply could not. Loki had made peace long ago with the fact that he was destined to live alone. Hela had happened two years ago and he had been content to live his life as a single parent. Now Thor was back and with once glance and a few words wreaking havoc on his emotions. 

 

Loki closed his eyes, and Thor, dressed to kill in a Dior three piece, rose to view. His long dirty blonde hair had been pulled back in a pony tail. His eyes were their usual luminous glowing blue, and with his goatee he looked just as sinful as ever. Thor had always been popular with people, his natural beauty only enhancing what everyone around him knew, he was a person you wanted to know.

 

Loki had grown up knowing that Thor was perfect, was everything Loki could never be, and that trying to be around Thor would only hurt. These lessons taught to Loki by his parents, teachers, and Thor’s friends had slowly bred an animosity which feed a continuous cycle of being compared and found wanting. 

 

It was made worse by the fact that Thor himself, never once told Loki he wasn't good enough, was the only person to ever praise Loki. Thor had always been there with a kind word or a hug, instinctively knowing just what Loki needed to be able to get through any given day.

 

So it was no surprise the day he woke and realized, as Thor made him breakfast, that he was in love with his brother. The pain that came with that revelation had nearly had Loki slitting his wrists. There was no way the two of them could ever be together. So Loki devised a plan, turning his crushing love into an all-consuming hate. He became everything that people had said about him for years.

 

He became the spiteful, ungrateful wretch everyone had named him to be, ignoring Thor and isolating himself in his room, putting his mind through rigorous academic strain so that he didn't have to feel the love and the shame that came from loving his brother. 

 

In the end his plan was effective, he graduated a year and a half ahead of schedule, his parents pleased that he would be graduating with Thor and be out of the house that much sooner. Their graduation party filled with Thor’s friends had been the worst day of his life but also ended up being the day that he was reborn.

 

Two hours into the part Loki had gone looking for solitude and wound up in the library which also housed their father’s office. Loki had been looking for paper when he had stumbled upon the document. It had explained everything in one fell swoop. Loki was not an Odinson by birth. Every jab, every comment made in the house of Odin in regards to Loki then became crystal clear. He was not Odin’s son, would never be seen worthy, or worthy of love like the fruit of his loins, and Loki had smiled. Finally the end was in sight.  
Three hours into the party everything Loki had ever needed was packed. One call and Loki walked away from his childhood, from his family, from Thor. No one tried to stop him, no one noticed he was missing, and that was how Loki knew it was the right thing to do.

 

Now fourteen years later Loki was facing his worst nightmare. Loki had no regrets about leaving that day. He had needed to get out of that house, and by the end of the summer he was an emancipated minor with a full ride to Columbia and a bleak but clean future.

 

Loki had searched for years for a place to call his own, a place free of the shadow of Thor Odinson. College it turned out had been the place, he had met Clint Barton on the first day, and his soon to be best friends Natasha Romanov and Bruce Banner the second and third day. They became an inseparable quartet, filling Loki’s days with joy and laughter.  
Loki thrived where he was seen, where he was accepted. They all graduated with honors and immediately been recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D. They had even shared a house for three years before Loki’s need for space became too persistent to ignore.

 

Now Loki had Hela, was happy to be a single father making the world a better place for his daughter. It was more than he had dreamed of as a child. Loki looked at Hel, she was so precious, his, real, and good. She was all his good works in one package of joy. Loki swore the day he saved her that she would never know pain again. That she would grow up spoiled and whole, never doubting her worth, never feeling unwanted.

 

She would only ever know love and acceptance from him. It was the only thing Loki felt he could give. She was in constant pain because of the burns and the skin grafts. He could not take that away from her, though he would if he could. She was the greatest joy of his life.

 

He kissed her withered cheek before giving her an Eskimo kiss as he whispered, “More than my own life, that’s how much I love you.”

 

Leaving his sleeping daughter he went to find the one person who could help him. Laufey usually resided in the gardens or in her room. Loki found her in the sun by a little pond in the smaller garden. Her face was raised to the sun, as if she were a flower. She looked broken; it was an odd look for the dower woman. Loki needed a moment because while she was broken but she’d never looked the part.

 

“Come sit with me” she said never turning from the warmth of the day.

 

Loki sat, turning to look where her eyes were, “so he’s here huh?” Laufey’s eyes tracked a bird as it flew past them.

 

“Yes, it was unexpected.” Loki looked down at Laufey’s hands; so delicate compared to the rest of her.

 

“How did it happen then?” Laufey finally turned to look at Loki.

 

“At work. I don’t know what to do…” Loki gave a bitter laugh as Laufey raised an eyebrow. Because yes Loki did know what he would do, it was what they all did, endure.

 

“Alright, I do know I just… I don’t want to become the person I was before and I fear I will. I locked these feelings in a vault and now it’s been cracked with a glance. It’s not fair.”  
Loki blinked realizing he was angry and tried to reign in that emotion. He didn't want to be angry; it would only lead to pain. Loki had worked very hard to have a life where he wasn't in constant agony because of the existence of Thor and what he could never have. It had taken him a long time to be the person he was proud of being.

 

He had been a dark child, a petty, jealous teenager, and he had had to learn how to be a good person on his own. He had been a hurt animal who had lashed out in fear with hate during his years with Thor. Now Loki was beyond those emotions or so he had thought. Now he just felt scared, just as scared as the first day he had realized he was in love with Thor.

 

“You are strong; you’ll survive this as you have survived everything, with nerve and determination.”

 

Loki nodded and squeezed Laufey’s hand. She was right, he would endure. He was no longer a child; he had a life, a family, and a home. The only way that would change was if he let it; and Loki intended to do no such thing. He was strong; he would endure, he was a survivor, it was, after all, he had ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been so long since I updated. So now that Winter's Soldier is out I am inspired to start up this story again. Any mistakes please let me know and I will fix. I have no beta so... you get what you get.

**Author's Note:**

> Full Summary:
> 
> Loki Laufey has spent years learning to live with the fact that the man he loves can never be his. Now a father, and the caretaker of a dying woman Loki has made a life for himself away from the hurts of past.
> 
> Thor Odinson died the day his brother walked away from his family and has spent the last ten years empty. Now, working with S.H.I.E.L.D, he has finally found the man his heart has yearned for from the moment his parents first brought him home.
> 
> Loki never expected to have the chance to be with Thor, and Thor is not letting Loki go again. Juggling children, friends, and enemies, Loki and Thor have a lot to learn about themselves, each other, and what happily ever after means, because Thor will stand for nothing less.
> 
> This is an AU story with the children from Ask the Odd Family From Asgard. 
> 
> I have no beta, so if anyone would like to volunteer kudos to you! Any mistakes will be cleaned up as I see them.


End file.
